It all started because of the stupid rain. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m rather fond of the rain, but today was different. It was Monday morning, I had to reach college early to try convince my principal that I wasn’t dead and the reason I missed college for the past one week was because, well I don’t know, I never got round to concocting a reason(i never got round to meeting the principal either but let me not get ahead of myself).
I managed to wake up at the break of dawn and get ready early enough, checking my watch I felt I had time for a smoke before I headed out. The first drag of nicotine felt as good as ever, I stood in the porch all but ready to leave enjoying the early morning breeze. Then the phone rang (one of these days I intend to burry the cursed thing in my backyard) it turned out to be an old acquaintance, turns out he was dropping by that evening, now I’m rather fond of having my evenings to myself, unless there’s a party involved, a party with lots of booze that is. I had to get out of this rendezvous somehow, so I told him I’d be going out of town and there was no way I could meet him for another couple of months. He whined about how badly he wanted to see me for about 10 mins, by the time he finally hung up, i was half ready to put a bullet through my own head. I checked out the time and cursed, I had 10 more minutes before the last bus to college left, blowing a hurried kiss to my canine, I started the tiresome walk, if I could flag down an auto in the street I’d probably make it, knowing my luck I know my chances were pretty screwed up.
Imagine my astonishment when I found a rickshaw right outside my lane, I should have suspected something was up by then. Me and lady luck aren’t exactly the best of pals. No sooner had the auto started, it broke down. Glancing down at my watch I saw I had 7 more minutes to make it on time, the auto driver was pretty sure he could get it started in sometime but I decided not to push it, I really had to make it to college on time for once. I started walking, strangely enough the streets were abandoned but I was in too much of a hurry to notice, I was panting by the time I covered two blocks, I vowed to cut down on the cigarettes and trudged along. An auto went by, and I noticed it was the same one I had flagged down a couple of minutes earlier, only now the back seat was occupied by a smug little kid. Lady luck should be locked up in prison. Cursing, swearing I managed to go half a block more before the strap on my back-pack broke. Can this get any worse, I thought to myself. Seems it could, as if on cue, the heavens opened up and it started pouring like a broken faucet.
Within minutes I resembled a soggy sock, the clothes which I spent half an hour ironing were ruined, I still went on, only now it was raining so heavily I could hardly see a few feet ahead of me. I managed to drop my backpack into a ditch, the few notes that I owned probably resembled a used hanky by now. I checked the time again, I still had a minute left, the only way I could make it on time was if I could magically teleport my butt into the bus as it went by. I shook my fist at the sky (my first mistake) suddenly I lost my footing and plunged headfirst into an open manhole, I closed my eyes, I’d rather not see the fall, when I opened them again, I was sitting atop a cloud.
I pinched myself. Nothing. I was still on the cloud. WTF, what’s happening here? I slapped myself. Hard. OUCH!!!!! It hurt. I looked below, only more clouds. Had I fallen into another dimension?
Imagine my astonishment when I found a rickshaw right outside my lane, I should have suspected something was up by then. Me and lady luck aren’t exactly the best of pals. No sooner had the auto started, it broke down. Glancing down at my watch I saw I had 7 more minutes to make it on time, the auto driver was pretty sure he could get it started in sometime but I decided not to push it, I really had to make it to college on time for once. I started walking, strangely enough the streets were abandoned but I was in too much of a hurry to notice, I was panting by the time I covered two blocks, I vowed to cut down on the cigarettes and trudged along. An auto went by, and I noticed it was the same one I had flagged down a couple of minutes earlier, only now the back seat was occupied by a smug little kid. Lady luck should be locked up in prison. Cursing, swearing I managed to go half a block more before the strap on my back-pack broke. Can this get any worse, I thought to myself. Seems it could, as if on cue, the heavens opened up and it started pouring like a broken faucet.
Within minutes I resembled a soggy sock, the clothes which I spent half an hour ironing were ruined, I still went on, only now it was raining so heavily I could hardly see a few feet ahead of me. I managed to drop my backpack into a ditch, the few notes that I owned probably resembled a used hanky by now. I checked the time again, I still had a minute left, the only way I could make it on time was if I could magically teleport my butt into the bus as it went by. I shook my fist at the sky (my first mistake) suddenly I lost my footing and plunged headfirst into an open manhole, I closed my eyes, I’d rather not see the fall, when I opened them again, I was sitting atop a cloud.
I pinched myself. Nothing. I was still on the cloud. WTF, what’s happening here? I slapped myself. Hard. OUCH!!!!! It hurt. I looked below, only more clouds. Had I fallen into another dimension?
Of course not, I shook my head, my brain tends to over-react too much, I thought. But wait a minute, I’m sitting on a bloody cloud, I AM SUPPOSED TO OVER-REACT!!! Then another chilling possibility hit me, had I perhaps broken my neck while falling, was I dead?
“No my son, you aren’t dead” announced a serene voice behind me. I turned around and found myself face to face with, Morgan Freeman!!!! Ok, now I knew I had lost it, was I still down in the man-hole dreaming all this up in my delirium??? You aren’t crazy my child, Morgan Freeman said.
I’m dreaming, just dreaming, this isn’t true, I’ll wake up any second now.
You are not dreaming son, Freeman said. Apparently, Morgan Freeman was a mind-reader. “What the hell is happening here?” I asked Mr. Freeman. He shook is coat (he was wearing a spotless white tux, BTW, hard to notice when you’re sitting atop a cloud with , wondering whether you’ve lost your marbles. “I am not Morgan Freeman” said Morgan Freeman. “Yeah and I’m Samuel “WTF” Jackson” I retorted (my sense of sarcasm never abandons me I guess). “HAHAHAHAHA” bellowed Freeman “you always were blessed with a comic perception my boy”. His eyes were twinkling. “Ok, you tell me right now what’s happening here, who are you, if you aren’t Morgan Freeman?” I asked. Man was I freaked out.
“I, my son, am God” answered Freeman.
“What is this? A remake of Bruce Almighty?” I questioned, by now I was getting a edgy.
“No, but since this was the only image that I could find that you would closely associate with me, I chose to come before you as such” said Freeman/God, the twinkle in his eyes kept growing brighter.
Great, of all the things, my stupid brain sums up god as Morgan Freeman.
But wait a minute, now I look up all excited, “you are god??” I ask. “That’s what I said”, he replies smile growing wider “but I’m not here to grant your prayers” he answers before I can even ask. God, what a bummer, I think. “So why are you here then” I ask him “and why am I here?”
“I needed to talk to you” God says.
“To me? What about?” I ask.
“You do not believe in me?”
“Awww come on, you’re kidding right? All the atheists in the world and you found me to pick a bone with?” I ask rather disappointed.
“No my child, I wanted to talk to you about something much more important”
“What about?” I ask, now all curious.
“About 2012” God replies.
“The movie? It was pretty hilarious if you ask me” I replied.
God laughed, “Your sense of humour makes you my favourite atheist” “but of course, I’m taking about the end-of-days”.
“No my son, you aren’t dead” announced a serene voice behind me. I turned around and found myself face to face with, Morgan Freeman!!!! Ok, now I knew I had lost it, was I still down in the man-hole dreaming all this up in my delirium??? You aren’t crazy my child, Morgan Freeman said.
I’m dreaming, just dreaming, this isn’t true, I’ll wake up any second now.
You are not dreaming son, Freeman said. Apparently, Morgan Freeman was a mind-reader. “What the hell is happening here?” I asked Mr. Freeman. He shook is coat (he was wearing a spotless white tux, BTW, hard to notice when you’re sitting atop a cloud with , wondering whether you’ve lost your marbles. “I am not Morgan Freeman” said Morgan Freeman. “Yeah and I’m Samuel “WTF” Jackson” I retorted (my sense of sarcasm never abandons me I guess). “HAHAHAHAHA” bellowed Freeman “you always were blessed with a comic perception my boy”. His eyes were twinkling. “Ok, you tell me right now what’s happening here, who are you, if you aren’t Morgan Freeman?” I asked. Man was I freaked out.
“I, my son, am God” answered Freeman.
“What is this? A remake of Bruce Almighty?” I questioned, by now I was getting a edgy.
“No, but since this was the only image that I could find that you would closely associate with me, I chose to come before you as such” said Freeman/God, the twinkle in his eyes kept growing brighter.
Great, of all the things, my stupid brain sums up god as Morgan Freeman.
But wait a minute, now I look up all excited, “you are god??” I ask. “That’s what I said”, he replies smile growing wider “but I’m not here to grant your prayers” he answers before I can even ask. God, what a bummer, I think. “So why are you here then” I ask him “and why am I here?”
“I needed to talk to you” God says.
“To me? What about?” I ask.
“You do not believe in me?”
“Awww come on, you’re kidding right? All the atheists in the world and you found me to pick a bone with?” I ask rather disappointed.
“No my child, I wanted to talk to you about something much more important”
“What about?” I ask, now all curious.
“About 2012” God replies.
“The movie? It was pretty hilarious if you ask me” I replied.
God laughed, “Your sense of humour makes you my favourite atheist” “but of course, I’m taking about the end-of-days”.
“Damn, the Mayans, were right then?” I ask.
“Yes, they were, perhaps” God replies.
“Now see here God, if you’ve come here trying to convince me to build an ark and save Mankind and all that jazz, I’m not your guy, I say just make the end quick” I tell God.
He laughs again, “No my son, I know you well, I know you wouldn’t build a raft much less an ark even if it were to save your own ass”
“Well if it isn’t about the ark, then why are we here?” I ask.
“Quiet simply to ask you a question”
“What question?”
“Should I or should I not, end the world on the winter solstice of 2012”
“Now hang on a second” I ask totally shocked “you want me, to decide the fate of the world?”
“Yes” God answers.
“Why me?” I ask.
“Why not you” God replies.
“But….but….” I start but God interrupts, “my son, worry not the reasons for my choice, just answer my question”
“Well why would I want the world to end, let it go on”, I reply.
“Are you sure” God asks “even knowing that you have a lot of suffering ahead of you.
I gulp, for one wild moment I was tempted to say, end it but then the faces of all the people I know start coming into my head, what about my dreams of visiting Greece, I may not but it’s still a dream I nurture, what about family, what about friends, man I’m getting all emotional here, I think to myself.
“Now see here God, if you’ve come here trying to convince me to build an ark and save Mankind and all that jazz, I’m not your guy, I say just make the end quick” I tell God.
He laughs again, “No my son, I know you well, I know you wouldn’t build a raft much less an ark even if it were to save your own ass”
“Well if it isn’t about the ark, then why are we here?” I ask.
“Quiet simply to ask you a question”
“What question?”
“Should I or should I not, end the world on the winter solstice of 2012”
“Now hang on a second” I ask totally shocked “you want me, to decide the fate of the world?”
“Yes” God answers.
“Why me?” I ask.
“Why not you” God replies.
“But….but….” I start but God interrupts, “my son, worry not the reasons for my choice, just answer my question”
“Well why would I want the world to end, let it go on”, I reply.
“Are you sure” God asks “even knowing that you have a lot of suffering ahead of you.
I gulp, for one wild moment I was tempted to say, end it but then the faces of all the people I know start coming into my head, what about my dreams of visiting Greece, I may not but it’s still a dream I nurture, what about family, what about friends, man I’m getting all emotional here, I think to myself.
“Yes you are” taunts God.
“And then I don suppose once the world ends, I’ll ever be able to smoke again” I sigh “Well don’t end the world God” I finally decide.
“So let it be” God smiles.
“Now what?” I ask God.
“Now I send you back” God answers.
“Any chance you can make sure I don’t miss the bus to college?” I ask hopefully.
“No my son, I’m afraid I cannot do that, I did warn you about the sufferings” says God “but go ahead, something else perhaps”
“OK, how about showing me your true form” I ask.
Poof! Morgan Freeman disappears and I’m looking at BRAD PITT?????!!????
“WTF” I exclaim.
“Sorry, sorry” God laughs “I just couldn’t resist” he keeps laughing.
Boy with that sense of humour, no wonder the world’s a riot, I think.
“I have no form, I’m everywhere, eternal and end, the……” I interrupt “God ummmm since you aren’t doing anything about the bus, I think I better get going” I say meekly, I didn’t want to get struck down by lightning but my Principal is a formidable woman, I wouldn’t mess with her, not even for God.
“Well, of course my Son” God says “Here you go”
Suddenly white light surrounds me and the clouds around start swirling.
“and thank you, my son, for helping me decide” I hear God call out and den POOF!!! I’m back in the street, but my back-packs ok and it isn’t raining, I check the time, God helped me after all, I got 15 minutes to reach, I catch the bus and reach college on time.
I walk up to the gates; there are not many people around. That’s weird I think, right then I hear someone calling my name, I look back to see one of my classmate running over to me. “Whatcha doing in college on a Sunday morning?” he asks me. “It’s Monday, bird-brain” I tell him. My phone buzzs announcing the arrival of a text message. “Dude, what’s wrong with you, it’s Sunday man, you stoned or something..…….” His voice drones on,i'm not listening anymore, the message is from God, it reads
“So let it be” God smiles.
“Now what?” I ask God.
“Now I send you back” God answers.
“Any chance you can make sure I don’t miss the bus to college?” I ask hopefully.
“No my son, I’m afraid I cannot do that, I did warn you about the sufferings” says God “but go ahead, something else perhaps”
“OK, how about showing me your true form” I ask.
Poof! Morgan Freeman disappears and I’m looking at BRAD PITT?????!!????
“WTF” I exclaim.
“Sorry, sorry” God laughs “I just couldn’t resist” he keeps laughing.
Boy with that sense of humour, no wonder the world’s a riot, I think.
“I have no form, I’m everywhere, eternal and end, the……” I interrupt “God ummmm since you aren’t doing anything about the bus, I think I better get going” I say meekly, I didn’t want to get struck down by lightning but my Principal is a formidable woman, I wouldn’t mess with her, not even for God.
“Well, of course my Son” God says “Here you go”
Suddenly white light surrounds me and the clouds around start swirling.
“and thank you, my son, for helping me decide” I hear God call out and den POOF!!! I’m back in the street, but my back-packs ok and it isn’t raining, I check the time, God helped me after all, I got 15 minutes to reach, I catch the bus and reach college on time.
I walk up to the gates; there are not many people around. That’s weird I think, right then I hear someone calling my name, I look back to see one of my classmate running over to me. “Whatcha doing in college on a Sunday morning?” he asks me. “It’s Monday, bird-brain” I tell him. My phone buzzs announcing the arrival of a text message. “Dude, what’s wrong with you, it’s Sunday man, you stoned or something..…….” His voice drones on,i'm not listening anymore, the message is from God, it reads
“SORRY COULDN’T RESIST, LMAO ;)"
:):):):):) ok i still havnt stopped laughing:):) of all the athiests in the world he picks you;) btw do u think your princi would have bought this crap if it really was a monday???
ReplyDeletei can be pretty convincing, trust me :D
ReplyDeletewe watched 2012 when you had just one or two exams to go so you wouldnt be meeting your principal after that would you?? :D :D :D :P
ReplyDeletelol :D i'm allowed a bit of artistic freedom to juggle around facts :D BTW u don find it weird that i met god, who looked like morgan freeman while sitting on a cloud but the time frame bothers u? :P
ReplyDeleteGod looking like morgan freeman... Lmao... I cant stop my cheeks are hurting terribly muhaha... I wonder God with a sense of humour will he seriously be funny or jokingly be serious :)
ReplyDeleteof all ppl you cant expect ME to find that story at all weird Abi :D :D
ReplyDeleteprolly nxt time i'll take u along for the ride ;)
ReplyDeleteHaha. This is fucking awesome! :D
ReplyDelete